Dear love...

I like you.

Better yet, I love you.

I love your colour.

I love your smell.

I love how soft you are. 

I love how you envelope me with comfort every time I'm with you.

and I love how you never change.

But people find it odd that I want to be with you.

Some of my friends even prevent me from being near you.

And that made me sad.

But don't worry.

I'll find some way to make them understand.

Understand your quality.

Understand why you mean a lot to me.

So please, please don't feel down when I'm not near.

Cause the day will come when we'll be together,

I promise..

Love you Grass.

Just 20.

Hello internet! I'm officially 20 years old yesterday! 

Didn't feel much change, just the fact that i can't call myself a teenager anymore.

Though i did get a present which has been a while.  :')

And I did get some donuts instead of a cake.

All is well. 

That's all the report for today! ^_^

Confusing result.

I've gotten my exam result. Alhamdullillah, I've passed all my subjects. Though they're just 'OK' I guess? Barely passed one of em with a B- too. Scary much?

There is a funny story to how I got my provisional result. On the supposed date that the provisional result should be posted that was July 16th, I sent a text for my result and waited a while for the reply message. I was literally sweating bullets while waiting for the text. How could I not? I had to take a test on one of the worst subjects I'm in; Bahasa Malaysia.

...Don't give me that look.

I know I'm half Malay and half Chinese but that doesn't mean that I'd be born an expert in either language! Ironically, I'm just average on both languages and better in a whole other language that is English. I don't even have any English blood in me! Ha, weird! Maybe I do have English ancestry in my veins to which I didn't know of? ... Nah. That's just wishful thinking. I'm just weird. -_-

Ok I'm way off topic.. back to the story at hand. When I got the reply message and read it, I felt like my heart just went just stopped working for a moment.

Look here!

I felt like my heart just got ripped out of my ribs, dropped on the floor, rolled on the road and got smashed to pieces by a moving car; barely beating.

W- Wh-- What..? What is this?!
What does this mean? Did I fail? Am I being trolled? 

What is the meaning of this?? 

I was really flustered until I realized something. The provisional result would only tell me whether I'd passed or failed my subjects. 

Could it be...

So I tried forwarding the the text and here's what I got.

As "Pass = P, Fail = F" it was no wonder that I got those smiley faces! My phone changed it so! On another note, good god Alhamdulillah! I passed all of my subjects!

And that's the story of how I was trolled by own phone. Well done, phone. You've won this time. Meh. -_-*

Break(fast)! :D

Haven't posted anything for a while that it made my hands numb from the lack of use. My imagery skills to write has also succumbed to the degree of nonexistence. I couldn't even describe a good food that i ate not too long ago. Here's how it went, I was chatting with my friend about food in Penang when I told my friend of a lamb chop that I ate at Tokong Ular. When she asked me how it was, all i could say was it was 'good' with just a little twist in it. Like,

'The lamb chop was good.'
'It was really really good'
'Sedap gilerrr~'.
'hen hao chi de~!'
'Manyak sedap punye~'

Felt like Yoda there.  'Good, the lamb chop was.' I wonder what happened to my imagination. On the other hand, is it my imaginations that is lacking or my vocabulary that is getting redundant by the day. I haven't got the chance to use them nowadays so I guess that's a possibility as well. I guess the saying practice makes perfect is true with the proof that my nonpracticing the use of my vocabularies makes me forget about them. OK, maybe not all of em(if not, how did I even describe everything just now. haha) but you get what I mean ei? :p

Anyway, for your info, it has been a month since my 2nd semester has ended! 6 semesters to go. *dead* 2nd semester was fun and hectic, like normal. We had more assignments than tests for this semester. We even had to do a Bollywood themed drama as one of the task. I ended up acting as an Indian girl call Rishika. I, a half Malay and half Chinese acting as an Indian. Also can lah~  It was hard to act as Rishika. The character was supposedly a shy and quiet girl, real feminine and all; while I'm loud and boisterous. Let me tell you this, having a loud voice and a really sporty demeanor does not help when you're trying to act all shy and ladylike. Urgh.. Practices were a nightmare. There were quite a number of conflicts and arguments happened while we practiced but the result was good. OK la, it was heck fun! I'm lucky to have willing comrades to do the drama with. It was undeniably memorable.

The two exchange students in my course, Madoka-nee and Bora-noona(not unni cause it sounded to girly and cute for my taste. :p) has finally ended their studies in Malaysia and returned back to their homeland. It was a great experience to have exchange students in our course. Plus, they were really cute and supporting as well! This made me feel like going for it as well; exchange student programme I mean. I bet it will be a great experience and I can get the chance to travel a new country too. That's a plus! On another note, I have to think of the cons as well like I'll have to extend a semester or two due to that and the fact that I won't be taking the same classes of my coursemates now if I were to extend my course. Haa.. I guess sometimes you win some you lose some.

Talking about another topic, I spent most of my second semester with the same members from my first semester; Abe Bu, Abe Syapiee, Kak Anis, Kak Mieza and Kak Shiela. We tend to do about almost everything together; eating, shopping, studying (even though our courses are different), hanging out, staying up for last minute assignments or last minute revision, etc. It's kinda amazing how close we were able to be just because of a competition we participated together in our first semester (except for kak Mieza, we met her due to our love for food. :p). Every one of us actually participated the competition with different intentions; nonetheless our friendship lasted even after it ended and I can’t describe how much I appreciate it. I hope it’ll last even after our studies has reached its end in USM.

OH! I nearly forgot! My brother got married already and I managed to go to both of his weddings! Whoop whoop! Supposedly, I wasn't able to go to his wedding in Bahau, Negeri Sembilan due to my curriculum activity which was set on every Saturday; however, somehow the weekly activity was canceled on the eleventh hour(like on the night before my brother's wedding! Couldn't they tell us any sooner? -_-) and I was free to go. I had to rush for the bus with the help of Abe Bu. He drove like mad since it was already 10 at night at that time. Luckily, when we reached the bus station, there was a bus to Negeri Sembilan which was about to set for departure. If I was a little bit later, I would have missed it. Alhamdulillah~ Didn't get a wink of sleep because it was freaking cold in the bus and I didn't have my sweater on for some unknown reason. It was expected that my eyes was as thin as paper during the whole ceremony.  The other wedding, which was in Ipoh, was less stressful though tiring the same.Nevertheless, I guess all in all, it was worth the trouble to see my brother getting wed.

Ok.. I don't know what else to say, so, I guess they are for a later day. So that's it for today! Hence, I have done my task to write a post after so long of procrastinating. "Hannah Level Up! Achievement Unlocked!" Thanks for reading! :D

Still.

"Although it is undeniable that I was raised with love;

I was still lonely."

Should i feel guilty of feeling this?
Of not appreciating of what I got?
Of wanting more?
Wanting more of their attention?
Wanting more of their love?
...
...
...

I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

Wound in my heart.

Sometimes, 

I find it odd 

for how simple 

it is for some people 

to hurt another 

with their words;

without trying

to understand

or be considerate

towards 

the other's feelings 

or situation. 

Other times, 

I wonder 

why is it hard 

for some people 

to trust another 

even when 

they know the other 

well enough 

and are close to them. 

I find it odd 

that they don't find 

these odd, 

sometimes.

Semester 2. :)

It's already 3 weeks since I've been in my 2nd semester and...

I am still alive!

...well, ok... maybe just half of me.. currently... struggling..

seems like 2nd semester is and will be a lot more hectic than last semester.

How do I know this?

Well, to tell ya the truth... I'm actually a wizard! Bazinga! bwahahahahaha
Ok, no. Lame joke there. Can wizards even see the future? Hmmm..? Now, I'm seriously confused. @_@

Well, let's leave it at that. I'll google on it laterrrr

I actually got the course outline for every course I'm taking. That's where I know the assignments and projects Imma have to do and how hectic mah 2nd semester will be. Yeahhh.. I'm not actually a wizard. Sucks to be me. -_-

My result for last semester was not what I expected, I didn't expect it to be good, but i didn't expect it to be bad either, but I'm satisfied.. for now. Well, who'll be satisfied with just that effort right? Imma try harder to achieve better this semester! Fighto oh!!

...

well... i guess that's it for now. too lazy to right more...

Yeah.. seem kinda contradictory to what I wrote just now right?

...
...
...

I'm confusing myself in this post and I don't know why...?

I seriously have to stop here. My brain's a mess even without any zombie apocalypse going about eating everybody's brains out. *om nom nom*

Bye dukes and duchess, chill out! n_n

No-no-nomadic life of mine~

Been on the move lately after my semester break started like 3 weeks ago. Am constantly going to and fro from Penang to Ipoh to Tanjung Malim to KL. Even went to Malacca as well a week ago and the next stop after that was Pulau Pangkor! The route was kinda like this;

Penang → Ipoh → Tj. Malim → KL → Tj. Malim → Ipoh → Penang → Ipoh → Tj. Malim → KL → Malacca → KL → Tj. Malim → Ipoh → P. Pangkor → Ipoh → Tj. Malim

PHEW!

It is kinda tiring, but hella fun so I won't say nay to that if I were to have to do that again. Ok, now that I'm done with the route, let's go on to what has been going on lately. huhu :)

First of! My bro's getting married this upcoming April! Woot woot! At last! To a very cute girl (lady) if I may say so myself. A lil older than my brother but that isn't really surprising in my family, to say the least, since my mom is also older than my dad. I think Imma find myself a young lad just to continue the tradition. hehe Not exactly the crazy type like us siblings, more to the composed time (with a  but she's OK. Still a lil bit awkward around me as do I when I'm with her cause I don't really know how to react when I'm with her as well but we're getting along well.. I believe? Mehhh... as long as my bro and mom and dad's fine with her, I'm ok with it. Welcome to the family Kak Ana! ^_^

Second!! 

Went to Penang Yosakoi Parade! Supposedly the reason I went back to Penang again was to go for my club's intensive week, but because there were some problems with the accommodations, my bro didn't allow me to stay. I'm a lil sadden by that fact though. It was supposed to be my first intensive camp with friends. Tough luck, I guess..

Since we were already in Penang by that time, we went to the parade instead. There were a lot of exciting stalls set up on that day like the haunted house, the ninja zone, Tokyo buzz, Osaka street food and Kyoto Quarters. I didn't really get to participate much with the activities cause I wasn't allowed to (Onii-chan wa baka. -_-) but it was still hella exciting and I get to eat a lot of Japanese food! So, I guess I'm a tad bit satisfied. Will try to go again next year, insyaa allah!

Next on the list, was Malacca. YES! The one and only MALACCA people!

I seriously couldn't believe my mom would let me go all the way to Malacca; ALONE! I didn't questioned her then though cause maybe she'll change her mind, so, I went! Reason? To get my kadsiswa, a discount card for university students. I've actually already gotten one from USM but I still want my UiTM one. So yeahhhh... That's it actually. With a few side quests which I just thought of as I went my way; like meeting up with the lecturers and a few friends, roaming around my old university, try to see what's new and what's not.. etc etc...

One thing that was laughable when I was in Lendu was the fact that I got lost whilst trying to find Dewan Bendahara to get the card. Kinda funny if you ask me. I kinda mistook Dewan Syahbandar with Dewan Bendahara, leading me to actually roam around half of the university to find the actual place. But, I had my share of fun visiting the lake and a road which had a scenery that I was quite fond of back when I was still studying. So, NO complaints there.

After getting my card (finally!), I went to check on the lecturers! Was able to meet Miss Siti and Madam Khairunisa! Miss Siti is still as cute and glorious as always with her kitty paws and her furry goodness (Purrrrr) whereas Madam Khairu is going to have her second child! Somehow, it seems like I have never seen Madam Khairunisa in her thin mode. As far as I can remember, every time I see her, she'll always be with a baby. Coincidence much? hehe Met with a few juniors as well. They were quite friendly though I can't remember their names at all. Sorry lads, I'm bad at memorizing../( >,<)\

Oh! I even got to meet up with MU a.k.a. Muhammad! He's currently the YDP of UiTM Lendu! Kudos to him. Ooooooooo~ He looks professional now lads! Well, not like he wasn't before, just that he's aura now seemed more composed and professional! But he still acts like the same old MU to me. Gosh, I missed him. Later that day, I met up with Emang Blue and Abe Yo. It was fun hanging out with them after so long. It has been such a long time since I hanged out with anyone my age since I studied in USM. I missed  going out with them. It was fun and relaxing. Ex-TESL-ians unite~ haha

The last stop I went (not exactly the last la) would be P. Pangkor! My sis got a reunion trip with her friends and somehow I ended up tagging along. Felt kinda out of place for a moment since I didn't really know any of them but I somehow got used to it and fared well till the end.

Went for scuba diving and banana boat. The scuba diving part was more like floating-on-top-of-the-water-with-your-head-in-it rather than actual scuba diving. A lil hard to swim since we had to wear life jackets to stay afloat. Awkward but fun nevertheless. It's a shame that I couldn't take any picture in the water though cause my camera isn't waterproof. The scenery was spectacular! I even saw some small sharks! Wish to try it again, hopefully using a better gear for diving next time. haha

I even got the satisfaction of feeding some hornbills while I was there! There were quite a lot of em and it was fun feeding them lots. And it was free too! So who am I to say no to that experience; even if I did get my fingers pecked by one of em. Ouch.. Went out again later that day just to waste some time. Visit the shop lots, play with some more water, slept the night and went back the next day.

The next upcoming event would be CNY a.k.a. Chinese New Year! Can't wait for it. Not to forget... my first semester result.. erkkk.. Wish me all the best guys.. I hope I did OK. "-_-

MISSION SEM 1: ACCOMPLISHED!

Hence, my first sem as a TESOL-ian in USM has ended at last. I don't know if I did good or bad for my final exam, I don't believe I did quite well though but what's past is past. Truth be told, I wouldn't say I like much studying in USM actually; note, only the study part. I like USM, really, it is a really good place to study in and Penang is awesome in its own way but I'm kinda finding it a lil bit difficult to catch up on my studies. Unlike in Tesl days, the lecturers like their students to be autonomous learners, and by autonomous, I meant it as in an extreme way. I don't really mind the idea because it is a good notion and I really believe it'll help the students for like A LOT in the future but I had expect the lecturers to assist us to be accustomed to the learning style at least for the first sem. Alas, NO. I'd thought wrong. They just went like 'BAM!' and expect us to be good at it from the start! Nevertheless, I wouldn't say it's anyone's fault but my own though, cause I guess, it is my own fault for not be able to adapt to it when everybody else could (or so I believe). I somehow miss my comrades who I had struggled with together, last time in my TESL days. It was so much more bearable and comforting to have comrades with you during your worst times. I wouldn't say I don't have any comrades here, but they aren't exactly in the same course as mine so they wouldn't feel much of my struggles as how I couldn't understand theirs. I somehow really believe that what had made my stay here in USM are probably due to a few people of whom I have befriended and food. Mostly food though. I'm so getting fat. So, I guess, I'll just have to try and be better next sem. Wish me a ton of luck and a spring full of guts to endure these next sem, guys!

Until then, au revoir USM til the day for the second sem begin!

Inability.

I am incapable of being the best in almost anything,
But I do try my very best in everything I do...

If I say so myself. :)


Seems like my mind keeps wondering off to somewhere else every time I wanted to study. It can also be considered as one of the inability of mine, per-say.. -_-"

Y U NO FOCUS, BRAIN?!

Changes.

I am not fond of changes.

I wouldn't mind if they were for the better...

But when they weren't,

It's just sad. 

Like food.

It's just wouldn't be the same. :(

PS: I don't know how the pic of the cat relates, but yeahhhh... moving onnnn..

A peculiar blessing. :)

I am peculiar

eccentric

odd

strange

abnormal

or just plain; weird

There are no doubts to that.

At times, I myself am weirded out by my own peculiarity. 

Truth be told, my oddity makes it seem to me that if I were to be estranged or alienated by others, I should not feel unfamiliar or perplexed about it.

Why? 

because, I am just THAT uncommon.

I wouldn't find it weird if it did happen, maybe a lil sad, but definitely not weird. That's why the thought that there are people who knows about my abnormality but are still willing to be my side despite of it...

...sometimes astonishes me, at the same time, weirds me out.

Not that I don't appreciate them! I do! I really do! I'm really really grateful to have met them all! It's just.. a lil weird, that's all. Seeing as normally, most people would avoid being with a person that others consider as "weird".

It makes me think how kind and considerate they are to have one big of a heart that is willing enough to withstand my utmost outrageousity, which is most of the time, mind you.. though sometimes my mind would tend to make up crazy ideas, just for fun, like maybe it could be that they like to hang out with me because they are just as weird as me.. hahaha

However, I believe that the reason most probably be the former one compared to the latter, for sure. At least my heart believe so.

My heart would waver at times though. What if they get bored of me? What if one day they'll find that my strangeness is too overwhelming and leave me because of it, just like that?

Due to that, I tried to change, numerous times, gazillion times in fact, just to be what people would call "normal". But I somehow would always manage to revert back to being myself in the end.

Again why? 

It's because they just made me feel so comfortable of just being ME.

Just like a family, but not exactly. Nevertheless, a peculiar blessing, indeed. :)

PS: Ya Allah, mung ade exam esok Hannah! What the heck are you doing on the blog!!! v(ಥ ̯ ಥ)v